I'm Moving!

Blog sites, that is. Blogger is sort of making me crazy, and I hear that Wordpress is better, so off I go. Wordpress will allow EVERYONE to make comments, not just those who also have a blog site. My new blog site is www.loritayseastep.wordpress.com. See you there!

You've Got Mail

If I could live in any movie world, I would choose to live out my days as Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail". I mean, a movie that includes Pride and Prejudice, a children's book store, Joni Mitchell music, Tom Hanks, twinkle lights, coffee... AND all the lead females wear tights every single day? I've not been to heaven, but it must be something like that.

I'm pretty sure that I could use a quote from the movie to answer almost any question you could ask. They're appropriate for almost any situation. For instance...

When at a party... "That caviar is a garnish!" When someone asks the importance of Starbucks... "so people who don't know who on earth they are or what in the world they're doing can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an utterly defining sense of self... Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!" When talking to your soulmate... "One hundred fifty-two insights into my soul!" When discussing finances... "If you need more, ask me. I'm very rich. I bought intel at 6." When complimented... "Thank your, ladies and gentlemen." When considering whether to read any Jane Austen novel... "Read it. I know you'll love it." When you need to make a hasty exit: "This place is a tomb. I'm going to the nut shop where it's fun." When discussing relationships... "Oh yeah, right, it's a snap to find the one single person in the world who fills your heart with joy." When shushed during a movie... "A HOT DOG is singing. You need quiet while a HOT DOG is singing?"

But there are also some real truths in YGM; things I think about in the dead of night. In fact, I believe I started this blog with one of them many moons ago. Like this: "Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open?" Or this: "Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?" The irony, of course, is that so much of my life reminds me of something I watched on YGM, when shouldn't that be the other way around? I've never quite figured out the answer.

I could go on. It's the movie that, sad as it may be, sort of defines my life. What movie defines your life? In the words of Kathleen Kelly, "I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So, goodnight, dear void."

Home (Oh, and hello again)

Well... hello. To say that I am a terrible blogger would be so much of an understatement that I'll forego the apologies and just say that, after over a YEAR, I've decided to start blogging again. I have so much to say (read: write about) that the blogosphere is calling my name. So here I am.

What's happened in the past year? There's really no way to describe how much my life has changed since my last post. I've thought about it for some time, and the only way I can think to sum it all up is this: in the past year, I've come home.

On January 1 of last year, we started a new work with the Killen Church of Christ. We started out full of excitement and anticipation, with a little apprehension thrown in for good measure. And what we quickly realized was that everything about Killen - the people, the elders, the programs, the mission, just everything - was exactly right for us. Ever since I graduated from high school, when people ask, "What's your home congregation?", I have told them Rogersville. And that is still true in the sense that it is and always will be the church that helped mold me into who I am. But sometime in the past year, before I even realized it, the answer to that question somehow became Killen. It's home. It's where we belong. And we are so grateful.

And only a few weeks after that amazing life change, we discovered that we were expecting. A baby, that is. Back the truck up... now there's a life change for ya! It would be impossible to go back and relive all the incredible emotions (and incredible weight gain) of the next several months. But if you'll allow me to fast forward to November 2, our precious boy was born. Brennan is the cutest little thing you have ever seen. I guarantee it. I know I'm his momma, but it's still the truth. And again, it's been like coming home. He just makes everything click. Having a kid forces you to slow down (even if you thought you already did), and it forces you to "ponder these things in your heart". We have nightly rituals now, and traditions, and so much to look forward to.

I have lots of posts already building up in my mind, but it was only right to start with this one. I go back and read what I wrote in 2009, and I am still that person. Only, hopefully, a little better. A little better and a little more at home.

Saying Goodbye

After five amazing years, we are leaving Atlas. And leaving anywhere, for me, has never been easy. It's painful. For the past five years, those have been our kids. For the past five years, we have loved them quite literally as our own. We've laughed at them until things snorted out of our noses and we've cried when their moron boyfriends broke their hearts and we've... well, they've just been the center of our world. So how do you say goodbye to that?

On the other hand, it's always been strange to me how "goodbyes" can sometimes actually cement a relationship. Tonight, sitting at El Charrito with our Atlas kids "for the last time", I was reminded of that. Suddenly every moment became precious. Suddenly we were all taking the time to say "I love you", and hug, and plan more time to be together. I was reminded that God has piled blessing upon blessing on me by allowing me to live five years of my life with those kids. I would not trade one single moment. They have changed me for the better, and because of them, I will never be the same again.

A couple of days ago, a kid (who is now an adult) from our very first youth ministry job passed a sign that reminded him of us, so he called up. He's home from college and wants to get together. And it hit me that our family is SO BIG. And getting bigger. When we begin our new work at Killen on Sunday, it will grow even more. It's just overwhelming. We are pressed-down, shaken-together, pouring-over kind of blessed. I can't wait to have my whole enormous family together one day when we all finally make it home.

The life of a youth ministry family is crazy. It's unpredictable and emotional and frustrating and heartwrenching and stressful and wild. And you have to stay out really late at night. It's not for everyone. But it is for us, and I am so very thankful that it is.

People Who REALLY Annoy Me

Not trying to be negative or anything, but really... some people just get on my nerves. Here is a partial list (reserving the right, of course, to add to it at any time):

1. "Customer Service" people who refuse to give Customers Service. Last week my car died in the parking lot at McDonald's. (Sad thing was, I wasn't even eating there... long story.) Anywho, Nicole and her mom happened to be just across the street at the mall, but we soon realized that none of us had any jumper cables. So in we go to ask the MickeyD's workers if they might be willing to share. We ask the cashier on duty, who, by the way, was not busy in any form of the word. She turns and screams at all the other workers, each of whom mumble a halfhearted "no, don't got any" in their turn. So the lady turns back to me and says, "I've got some in my trunk." At this point I'm wondering why she felt the need to yelp at the others when she had some all along, but hey, a favor's a favor, right. "Great," we say. Unfortunately, she wasn't done. "Yeah, I've got some in my trunk, but I can't go out and get them, sorry." Seriously? The other customers look at each other in disbelief. We all look at each other in disbelief. We look at her in disbelief. She gives a sort of apologetic smile and turns back to her oh-so-important-guarding-of-the-counter. Now, I used to work at McDonald's. I realize there are rules. I also realize that, in quasi-emergency type situations, the rules are made to be broken. "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't come around the counter to Heimlich that french fry out of your throat. There are rules, you know..." Geez.

2. People who embarrass themselves (and others) with completely irrational statements. Examples are numerous as the sands on the seashore, but I'll go with this one... I have seen one too many facebook statuses in the past couple of days blaming President Obama for the tragedy at Fort Hood. Seriously, people? You don't have to like his politics, you don't have to like anything about him, but really... to imply (or state outright) that he had anything whatever to do with that horror story is absurd. The guy was a Muslim. True. a) Obama is not a Muslim. b) As I told the kids in my class last week, you have to be really careful when throwing out blanket assumptions. "Christians" have bombed many an abortion clinic, but that doesn't mean that those radicals are representative of Christianity as a whole. Let's learn from the plight of Japanese Americans in World War II, and not overreach. Be angry at the individual who committed the crime, and not an entire race of people. Don't let prejudice take root in your heart. Nothing good comes of that.

3. Scrooges who don't like Christmas. This one is thrown in just for good measure... Santa Claus is coming to town, folks, so you might as well enjoy it!

Getting good at rejection

I have never been all that great at rejection. Perfection, I like. Rejection, not so much. If I can't do something perfectly, I'd just as soon not do it at all. I've done pretty well over all with my anti-rejection philosophy, but I've known for some time that once I finished this book, the ensuing agent-search-and-rejection process would be rough and painful.

I've done better than I thought - not even one meltdown crying spell to date - but I have to say, it's quite the learning experience. In school, if you work hard enough, you get an A. In agent hunting, you're entirely at the whim of that particular agent's time constraints, personal preferences, and whether or not her snotty nosed kid put her in a bad mood that morning. It's completely uncontrollable... and I DO NOT LIKE uncontrollable. You just have to do your best work and keep putting it out there again... and again... and again.

Today I got my fourth rejection. To date: One form rejection, the kind where they don't even bother to write your name at the top. One "this isn't for me". One "this work has merit, but isn't for me right now". And one "you are talented, and this is quite a commercial concept, but after much thought I've decided not to go with it".

ARRGH. And then there's the fact that it takes literally months to receive most replies.

I'm not discouraged (yet), and I realize that this is part of the process. "Paying your dues", they call it. Wow. I thought I was paying my dues when I spent three years of my life throwing pencils at the computer screen. But I know I can't give up; I've worked too hard for that. I'll just keep paying those dues. And hope that one day they return the favor.

It's never too late (until it is)...

Well, I am officially a horrible blogger. Drat. I promised myself that, once I started, I would not get so busy with other things that I wouldn't take the time to do it. But then - what with a difficult graduate class, several retreats, workshop, and a multitude of other life-i-ties - I did exactly that.

So... I guess I'll just have to start over now. And now is a very good time to start over. I've had lots to think about lately.

I found out today that my best friend and roommate from college has been very, very sick. In fact, she still is. That in itself has been difficult enough. But aside from the sickness itself, what has made it even more difficult for me is the fact that I know that I have not been the friend to her that I should have been.

We were inseparable in college. Our apartment was classic... the refrigerator was held up by pizza boxes, the air conditioner was held in the window by duct tape, the bathroom door was so warped that it wouldn't shut, and the roaches outnumbered us 200 to 1. And we had the time of our lives. It would take me through Friday to tell half the stories I would love to share here, but the bottom line is that we loved each other dearly.

And we still do. I still know that she would be there in a second if I needed her. And I believe that she still knows the same about me. But, as life and distance tends to do, we have let the past ten years or so allow us to grow gradually apart, until most of my thoughts about her are about how things were instead of how things are. I've thought about that many, many times, and I always resolve to change it. And I never do.

But today, when I talked to her about all the difficulty she's had lately, it made me realize with crushing force just what a powerful influence she has been in my life. She – and, very possibly, I – will never know exactly how much she has meant to me. But I do know this: I'm so grateful to God for the time that I have had with her, and I don't want to take her for granted ever again. I'm glad I still have time to enjoy my friend. I know that not everyone is so blessed.