Getting good at rejection

I have never been all that great at rejection. Perfection, I like. Rejection, not so much. If I can't do something perfectly, I'd just as soon not do it at all. I've done pretty well over all with my anti-rejection philosophy, but I've known for some time that once I finished this book, the ensuing agent-search-and-rejection process would be rough and painful.

I've done better than I thought - not even one meltdown crying spell to date - but I have to say, it's quite the learning experience. In school, if you work hard enough, you get an A. In agent hunting, you're entirely at the whim of that particular agent's time constraints, personal preferences, and whether or not her snotty nosed kid put her in a bad mood that morning. It's completely uncontrollable... and I DO NOT LIKE uncontrollable. You just have to do your best work and keep putting it out there again... and again... and again.

Today I got my fourth rejection. To date: One form rejection, the kind where they don't even bother to write your name at the top. One "this isn't for me". One "this work has merit, but isn't for me right now". And one "you are talented, and this is quite a commercial concept, but after much thought I've decided not to go with it".

ARRGH. And then there's the fact that it takes literally months to receive most replies.

I'm not discouraged (yet), and I realize that this is part of the process. "Paying your dues", they call it. Wow. I thought I was paying my dues when I spent three years of my life throwing pencils at the computer screen. But I know I can't give up; I've worked too hard for that. I'll just keep paying those dues. And hope that one day they return the favor.

It's never too late (until it is)...

Well, I am officially a horrible blogger. Drat. I promised myself that, once I started, I would not get so busy with other things that I wouldn't take the time to do it. But then - what with a difficult graduate class, several retreats, workshop, and a multitude of other life-i-ties - I did exactly that.

So... I guess I'll just have to start over now. And now is a very good time to start over. I've had lots to think about lately.

I found out today that my best friend and roommate from college has been very, very sick. In fact, she still is. That in itself has been difficult enough. But aside from the sickness itself, what has made it even more difficult for me is the fact that I know that I have not been the friend to her that I should have been.

We were inseparable in college. Our apartment was classic... the refrigerator was held up by pizza boxes, the air conditioner was held in the window by duct tape, the bathroom door was so warped that it wouldn't shut, and the roaches outnumbered us 200 to 1. And we had the time of our lives. It would take me through Friday to tell half the stories I would love to share here, but the bottom line is that we loved each other dearly.

And we still do. I still know that she would be there in a second if I needed her. And I believe that she still knows the same about me. But, as life and distance tends to do, we have let the past ten years or so allow us to grow gradually apart, until most of my thoughts about her are about how things were instead of how things are. I've thought about that many, many times, and I always resolve to change it. And I never do.

But today, when I talked to her about all the difficulty she's had lately, it made me realize with crushing force just what a powerful influence she has been in my life. She – and, very possibly, I – will never know exactly how much she has meant to me. But I do know this: I'm so grateful to God for the time that I have had with her, and I don't want to take her for granted ever again. I'm glad I still have time to enjoy my friend. I know that not everyone is so blessed.